from form letter to human (and still a no)

My writing life has been as dry and salty as the Mississippi River these past few weeks.

However.

This week I received a couple of rejections that, while they were no’s, were also specific and thoughtful. Which for me, is progress.

*

To give you context, form letter rejections usually look like this:

Super short and impersonal:

Dear writer,
Thank you for sharing your work with me. I'm sorry, but I'm not the right agent for your work, so I will have to pass. Thank you for considering me and best of luck with your future queries.

Sincerely,
Agent A

Or:

Dear writer,

Thank you for your query and sample pages. Unfortunately, I don't feel this is the right fit for my list at the moment, so I'll have to pass. Keep querying! Another agent might feel differently.

Sincerely,
Agent B

Slightly longer version:

Dear writer,

Thank you for your query and for your interest in representation by ABC Literary Management. I regret that ABCLM is unable to take you on as a client at this time. We receive many queries a week and because of this we must turn down many projects that might have great commercial potential.

Please know I personally read each query and that some of these rejections are based strictly on the subject of material, which may not be an appropriate fit for my interests. While this is not the news you hoped for, as I'm sure you know, writers sometimes endure long periods of rejection before they find the winning combination for themselves. They refused to give up, and it is my sincerest hope that you do not give up either.

All best,
Agent C

*

Then there was this one.

Dear writer, thank you for submitting your query for (memoir) to XYZ Literary Agency for our consideration. Even though I found great qualities within your query and synopsis, I didn't connect with the sample pages as strongly as I had hoped to champion the project. Please keep in mind that this industry is subjective--what didn't hook me right away, could be just what another agent is looking for.

Your story is very compelling, I see a lot of potential here. However I hoped to see a more active scene upfront and deeper emotional interiority to connect the reader to our character.

I'm sorry to not have better news to share. I hope you take this decline as an encouraging "no" that is simply helping you find your way to the right "yes". Keep honing your skills, learning about the industry, and always embrace a growth mindset. We're rooting for you!

Best of luck,

Agent D

**

Even though it’s a no, there’s a thread of encouragement, which motivates me to dig back in for another edit of my material, and also keep querying.

colorado sky

colorado sky

I took this picture on a Colorado walk a couple weeks ago on a cool sunny morning.
Not pictured is the four lane road I walked along, the blistering hot paved trail, the golf course buzzing with mowers and boomers driving carts, the hot air balloons drifting by (photographing them is like trying to take a picture of the moon, a fool's errand).
No trash anywhere, the air smelling of cut grass and gasoline, just me, some dog-walkers, and the bluest dome of a sky.

and now a creative pause

I've been writing, these past few weeks.
Capital-W writing. Rough drafts. Banging out whatever comes to mind, makes me laugh, feels weird or OTT or satisfying. How far can I take something, how can I push, find a new angle, an interesting take? It feels like that dizzying moment when you stand at the top of a long slide, sit down and surrender to gravity.
I met up with a new writer friend (I hope) yesterday and they commented on a recent event with a deliberately transgressive take, and we both laughed. I couldn't write that, they said. Which of course means they must.
*
Ijeoma Uluo addressed lack of motivation in her newsletter this week with UGH. But I don't WANT TO. Sometimes, being writing-adjacent is the best I can do.

rejjjjjjection

Dang it's frustrating.
More rejections this week (while I was off having a good time).
I've been re-working my agent pitch.
Editing a memoir excerpt and some short stories.
Continuing to read for Pithead Chapel.
I probably need to attend some writer's conferences and meet agents and forge some connections.
Also, I joined a writer's meet-up (cue the anxiety) and hope to meet up with a new writer friend for shop talk.
Creativity is not a zero-sum game, I said probably a little snottily to my partner last week.
OK. Then what is it? A daily practice, a meditation, a form of self-care. Sometimes a punishment. An atonement. An obligation.

the fam bam (it's been too long)

 

colorado sunflower

BSP went to a family reunion last week.
Those 2 words bring up the feels, of course. I almost didn't go.
Our beloved Gram is no longer with us, I hate traveling and was just generally meh.
But it was pretty great.
It's been four years since our last gathering but it was like no time had passed.
My marathoner cousin picked me up from the airport and we went straight to an outdoor concert for tequila, 90's tunes and a lot of laughs.
One sister and her fam joined in for a warm night under the stars.
The next day we descended on Casa Bonita, the iffy Mexican restaurant of our childhood now restored by the South Park guys. One whiff of
the chlorine out front sent me right back to being a kid, standing in line in the hot sun to get in now replaced by wristbands, ID checks and an X-ray scanner. Inside we oohed over the cute young cliff divers, enjoyed mediocre food and stiff drinks, looked on as ManBearPig lovingly embraced one of my sisters (and tried to steal a sopapilla). A troupe of improv actors we mistook for Village People impersonators ("don't call us villagers") engaged us in round after round of charades. Later we went to the sorcerery show (cringingly OK) and finally made our way out past the final cliff dive.
The next day, the rest of the fam arrived, and the fun blossomed.
--Two sisters and a cousin designed custom reunion t-shirts and then spent hours producing t-shirts, tanks and tote bags
--The Colorado fam hosted, opening their houses and kitchens (and wallets) with delicious food and desserts and comfy beds
--Some of the Kansas fam had to go home 12 hours later, down and out with sickness :(
--My talented sis designed a photo album with themes that made us all laugh and cry
--About 20 of us went to a Rockies/Blue Jays ballgame, had fried snacks and beers and goofed around in the warm, lovely night
--We visited the Mile High Flea Market, a family favorite for secondhand deals, turkey legs and agua fresca and general fun
--Some afternoons we shot hoops in the back yard, playing "horse" and flipping the littlest cousin some crap
--And I got a few precious hours with my sisters, nieces and fam, drinking coffee, reminiscing and just enjoying life
--Our final morning together we had breakfast at a diner, eggs and hashbrowns and coffee, and then hit an antique mall
I spent one last day in Denver, going to Meow Wolf with my sis and her partner (MW=meh), then enjoying plant-based Reubens (pastrami beets! yay!) and palomas at Edgewater Public Market.
The same cuz took me back to the airport my last day, after a pleasant morning of errands and delicious coffee and green chili burrito.
My heart is full, and grateful.