what am I, what is, do I?

I have so many questions, still.
What am I doing?
*
What’s the space between stasis and chaos?
I don’t know the answer to this one. I swing between feeling buried and untethered. For writing I need both, and yet most of the time, I feel so afraid.
*
Do I deserve goodness?
*
Last night eight-year-old Hammy Smackbooty said, You know, you can’t ever get there. If you get there, then you’re here.
We laughed, but it seemed profound.