It's been a time these past few weeks.
Ugly politics and terrifying weather aside, my heart is full, my heart is breaking, my heart is bursting.
I've traveled thousands of miles, left the country, experienced such joy and sadness.
--Deeper connections to family and friends
--A harsh, shocking schism from a longtime pal I considered family
--A life-threatening illness finally being treated
--Shared laughs, stories, even tears with old pals for the first time in months or years
--Connected creatively and meaningfully, felt heard, felt seen
*
There's a caveat in here.
I haven't settled long enough to feel the joy, the sorrow, the loss.
Deep emotion is scary. Being seen and heard is scary.
Experiencing the end of some relationships, and the deepening of others, is terrifying.
Who was I? Who were we? Who am I now? Can I/it matter?
*
The time will come to feel. Probably.
All I can do now is write, record, screenshot, listen, watch, wait.
And, yet--
And yet.
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