The deep deep

I don't recall ever feeling so deeply and completely tired.
I've reached exhaustion, and have gone past it.
My sleep is interrupted. Most nights I pass out and then a few hours later, awake in the dark. I get up and wrap myself in a blanket and read or do puzzles until I can rest again, even for a few minutes. The deepest sleep comes right before my alarm, when I can hardly rouse myself to slap at my phone and lie still, trying to summon up enough energy to step into the cold morning.
My days are like walking through a cold swimming pool, each step more tedious than the last.
I must keep moving or I may not ever move again.
The brain though--the brain perseveres.
Catastrophizing, imagining, worrying, spinning.
Each day, a year.
Each night, a decade.
Rest is a fruitless pursuit.