I lie

I lie, when people ask how I'm doing.

I assume we all do. 

Hanging in there, we say in response.

Doing alright.

You know.

*

Reality is bleak. "When do you know when it's time to go," a friend asked a few weeks ago, and I think, if we are asking the question, maybe it is time.

Last night I came to the end of forbearance and self-care and summoned all available energy to brush my teeth, take an allergy pill and put myself to bed. 

Sleep is a brief relief, for a few hours anyway.

I don't know how to ask for help. I do know that. So, I write, and do what I can, and fund what I can. And then try to sleep, and wait for the deep dark to pass.