numb

I read J.P. Brammer's book recently, "Hola Papi! how to come out in a Walmart parking lot." He's an insightful and very funny columnist and writer.

Now on Substack he writes about numbness. I know this well. The sense that not feeling is far preferable to the alternative. To feeling sad or lonely or anxious. 

I made my peace (sort of) with feeling anxious. It's a part of life and will never 100% go away. There are things that make it briefly cease--a live music show, hilarity with friends, hanging out with pets--but like an old social media post, anxiety never ever truly goes away. It's always hovering quietly in the background, awaiting its chance to slip back in.

And so: numbness. Yes. The negative space of feelings.