in these dark times

I remember going to a protest during the Iraq war and a speaker, an elder in a wheelchair, said, These are terrible times. And I was taken aback. I was mad about the war, feeling disenfranchised and frustrated, but overall my life wasn't affected that much.

Did I take the time to consider the bigger picture? 

Not really.

During the 2020 protests I lived right in the middle of CHAZ, then CHOP, saw neighbors get beat up and MAGAs run around the local park with weapons. I realized far too late that my little cocoon of skin color and money and education needed to burst. I needed to educate myself. To listen and read and learn. To decolonize what I was reading, my movie and TV watching, to listen to friends and co-workers who have long experienced harassment, brutality, micro-aggressions. 

As we get squeezed and the misogyny is normalized and enshrined in state and local and even federal laws, my instinct is as always to get the fuck out. Go live in a big blue city in a big blue or purple state, to surround myself with like-minded folks. To take advantage of the yes-I'll-say-it privilege I have to take my toys and go--home? 

It's been a lot of change lately. I moved from an apartment I loved to one I flat out hate. Had health scares. Relationship frustrations. Felt alone and uncared for. My friends and my sisters have listened, reached out, tried to help.

Where is the line between existential despair and privileged frustration? I don't know. I'm trying to feed my soul with music and nature and beauty and connection, to do what I can and rest when I can. And know when I can't carry the burden any longer.  

the things that are happening here

Walking near the French Quarter last week, I took notice of an idling sedan with smoked out windows and blue flashing lights. Be brave, I told myself, and kept walking toward it. After I passed, trying in vain to peer inside, a trio of construction workers followed me. Is it ice, one asked? Naw, the other said. That car's out of Baton Rouge. It's here all the time.

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A restaurant in the quarter keeps its doors locked now. Next to the doorbell, a sign: We're here, we'll be with you shortly!

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A friend's job saw many staff suddenly stay home due to the random sweeps. The friend has been working to cover shifts, and the supervisor is making sure those at home have food and money.

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At the gym, a guy mentions he's a contractor and has put up "Private Property" signs all around the work site. I park my truck out front, and if anyone comes by I tell them they all have papers, and to keep it pushing.

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Many friends who speak English as a second language no longer feel safe speaking their first language in public, and this includes Europeans. 

 

 

the cavalcade of stupidities

In this cavalcade of bad news I keep trying to take quiet moments, to check in with myself.
Am I over-consuming? Getting worked up about things I can't control?
Where can I take direct steps to help, mitigate, assist?
And how can I take care of myself and those I care about?

If it feels like a lot of tough questions, welcome to 2025.

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Memes help. Dumb videos. I stop and pet dogs anytime I can.

This dachshund.

 

 Courage.