Now, I'm a recovering Baptist so the realm of emotion and feelings is quite foreign to me. I grew up having to be strong, a role model, an example. Doing the right thing was most important. How I felt about it mattered not at all.
This fictional worldview imploded for good after some deep personal losses and the realization that I needed help and there was no around to help me.
Many of my relationships are still built on the premise that I'm strong and resourceful. I don't whine. I don't ask for much. So this week, when I honestly confessed to a good friend that life feels pretty shitty, what came back was--suck it up. Hostility, even. Like it was my own fault I was struggling.
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So, now I'm sorting through a complicated mess of feelings.
This--now--reality--is objectively and subjectively a really tough time. I'm doing my best. Some days, that's putting on pants and getting through the day. Other days, it's more and better. But a lot of things still mostly suck. So it feels gross to have this person say "Well what have you been doing? Aren't you going for walks? Seeing people? No? Why not?"
Last week, when I sent a jokey text bemoaning the latest injustice, a pal told me to get off social media. (I wasn't on, but you get my point.)
If I can't confide in a friend, then whom can I confide in? WHOMST?
It feels like toxic positivity.
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